


Burnt Sugar and Cream

by LateToTheFandom



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Default Shepard (Mass Effect), Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is An Asshole, F/M, First Contact War, Fluff, Minor Original Character(s), No Shepard Without Vakarian, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shepard Is Trying Her Best, Shepard and Garrus against the Universe, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:49:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24052381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateToTheFandom/pseuds/LateToTheFandom
Summary: She was Commander Shepard. Newly appointed War Hero and symbol of the Alliance. She would have to do her best to work for peace, but she still had to expect hostility to come her way. That was all she had experienced, all she knew. Playing nice with a bunch of aliens might be harder than she originally thought. She could only hope they would keep their promise, especially whoever she would be working with. Honestly having no clue what working together really meant.First Contact War AU.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 18
Kudos: 79





	1. You Call It Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for a long time. Basically a year, considering how lazy I am. Upon replaying the Mass Effect Trilogy, for like the fifteenth time, I gained the motivation to continue this fic. I intend on seeing it to the end if the response is positive. Be warned, this is a slow build fic, I plan on delving into this fully and passionately. Some canon inaccuracies, but I assure you, I did my homework! I own nothing associated with bio ware, just my words.  
> No beta, please be gentle.

Two pulses.

There was a thick smoke that had managed to permeate. Seeping into the core and tissue of her body. A black haze making green eyes water with irritation. It was in her lungs as well. A dense cloud that burned down her throat and into her chest, the hot air alone was enough to force shallow breaths. So many things were on fire, it was impossible to decide if she was taking in harsh chemical fumes or if it was just the burnt body’s next to her.

Blinking away a few blackened tears, she attempted to look around and inspect the area. However, it stung horribly, forcing her to shut her eyes again. After a few seconds, she made a second attempt, lids opening slightly, and taking in whatever possible. Just about everything was in flames like she predicted. A few charred corpses buried in rubble and even a few slung over the makeshift cover she had hauled herself behind. However, even with the destruction, she could make out movement. Figures running back and forth. 

Survivors. A few frantically grouped together and looked over data-pads, trying to assess the situation and contact rescue. Way more people lived than she originally thought.

One of the figures took notice to her gaze and awkwardly shimmied out of the circle, hurrying to her side and kneeling. 

“Thank God, for a moment there we thought you went to the next world. You did it though, Commander. Couldn’t have gotten through this shit without- no please do not move yet. You have inhaled way too much smoke and I bet the bruising ain’t doing you good? Am I right?” His voice was snarky against thin lips. A slight accent there but nothing she could correctly identify. Attitude not matching his baby face and soft blonde locks. 

His hands reached into velcro sealed pockets and he started applying a blue gel to her cuts and scraped from a bent tube. The applicant was cold and quite soothing, though a dull ache remained. Shrapnel seemed to have caused most of her damage.

He then pulled out a gauze, grabbing her hand and wrapping it around a few fingers, then her palm. The fabric twisting and folding a bit sloppily. “Names Doctor Croy, didn’t get a chance to formally introduce ourselves before all hell broke loose. I’ll tell you when shit goes haywire, I’ll be standing behind you next time. Done kicked those bastards in the groin huh? Look at us! We aren’t the numbers we were but there’s more alive than dead and that’s a hell-of-a-something.” While speaking, he squeezed more gel into the palm of his hand and nearly slapped it on her neck, causing a jolt and wince. 

Noticing her reaction, he grinned awkwardly, the shaved naked baby face making him look all the more young and dorky. Almost like he was brand new to the practice and prompting a bit of nervous concern if he even finished medical school. 

“Sorry there! It’s just been a fast-paced day, you know. So many people need to be stitched up, you gotta go fast. First time I’ve been involved in a shootout like this. You train for it, but it sure doesn’t help the shock of it all.” Her eyebrows raised questionably, immediately making his hands go up in defense, “Not that I haven’t dealt with a bullet before! I know how to patch up a soldier every which way, just never done it directly on the field. Now you probably think I’m some rookie, dontcha?”

She did.

“Well I’m not, and I’ll have you right as rain in a few,” he states, raising his head confidently and almost desperately in an attempt to convince her.

Her expression changed to one of amusement, eyes rolling. His hands going back to work and inspecting for more serious wounds. “What? Oh c’mon now, you’re making me look bad. Do I need to show you my credentials? Look I’m trying my best here. If you don’t like my patchwork, speak up!”

Her fingers flexed as she opened her mouth, bones grinding under thin skin, “You’re a wordy little bastard aren’t you?”

His face grew red, taken back by her suddenly choosing to speak aloud. Croy furrowed a brow, “Well I’ll have you know that it is good to have communication skills as a doctor. Makes the patient feel more at ease. And besides I-“ 

She chuckled, raising her bandaged hand, “You are doing fine, Doc. No harm was intended. Thank you.” The blush deepened in his ears. A sense of pride seemed to swell in his chest. “Why thank you, commander. Yes well... you are good to go for now. Keep an eye on your hand and neck, watch for infection! A dead commander is a useless one and we can’t have you dying from a peewee infection after you just held down this piss for poor colony single-handedly. We got to get you home because you deserve a damn medal, commander.” Reaching out a hand he helped her rise to her feet, though everything in her body screamed at her to just stay down and not move for a while. 

“We are setting up a tent just down there until the Alliance shows up. A bit more crowded, but I doubt you wanna stay sitting in the embers.” Croy pointed past a few moved beams leading to a makeshift path. The area is less on fire than their current one. “But that’s up to you.”

Giving a small nod, she twisted her body to stretch out the solid kinks forming in her spine. “Thanks. Is there anything I can do? To help I mean.” She relaxed and let her arms fall to her side, giving one last glance to the doctor before she would make her way to the tent. 

With an incredibly fast salute and grin, Croy shook his head and spun around on his heels. The fabric of his pants catching on metal and making him stumble a little. The action beckoning another chuckle from the commander’s chapped lips. “Ah, no not at all, Commander. You just get to healing and get us out of here. I’ll be going now, best of luck!” There was a pause before he started walking off. The commander staring at his weird little trot. Poor guy. He’d be used to the chaos eventually. Which... she supposed that wasn’t a good thing.

Looking back at her path, she huffed and planted one foot in front of the other. Sure she could walk, but damn her ribs were aching and it felt like she pulled a muscle in her calf enough to where each step made her cringe. 

“Just a hot shower along with a good night’s sleep and you’ll be back to normal.” Though a bottle of tequila would probably knock her ass out faster. 

Muttering softly, her few steps had become a few yards. The path allows her to see the extensive damage. Colonists were evenly spread out. Some kneeling and helping others, some crying or in shock from the attack. These were normal people who weren’t ready for something of this scale. Most weren’t even scientists or soldiers, just simple volunteers looking to settle and live comfortably. Seeing their bloodied faces made her stomach twist. Good people.

It was always good people. 

Soon the little camp was in her sights. The area was not as crowded as Croy had let on, but it had a healthy handful gathered under it. More than she could have asked for considering what they had faced today. 

Lifting a hand, she moved the clear screen of the tent to the side, stepping in and making her way past a mix of soldiers and colonists. A few stop their conversations to salute and give thanks. One even slapping her on the back. The contact making her aware of another developing bruise.

“Commander!” A raspy masculine voice carried through the air and made her lookup. An armored figure with his arms spread wide. “See boys, didn’t I tell you? She’d get us through this. I’d say a few of you owe me some credits.”

A few other men groaned. Rolling her eyes, she stopped in front of the man, one arm returning to his side and the other resting on her shoulder. “You making bets on my life already, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko?” Her lips pursed.

His arm quickly slid around her shoulders and pulled her close, walking with her to a table set up to hold documents, data, and means of contacting the Alliance. A young woman, by the name of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, speaking rather loudly into an earpiece. Her face showed obvious frustration. Another face she was honestly happy to have seen made it. The two connected rather well upon their arrival at the colonies. 

Kaidan was a friendly face too. They had met a few months ago. Both assigned to the same ship, same assignment, and from there they just... stuck. Him telling her all about himself, his training, and the excitement of space travel. Not holding a single thing back. It was refreshing in a way. His gritty humor complimenting her more stoic misplacement. He had nice hair too.

Guiding her to the table, Kaidan handed her a data-pad and pulled away, walking back around to check on Ashley’s progress. “Take a look at that, see that body count? Those Batarian bastards don’t even know what hit em’. Would have been much worse if it wasn’t for you. Rallying citizens? Probably made a few shit themselves.”

Singed fingertips grazed the data-pad, scrolling, and reading the contents. The rest saying how much equipment and medical supplies were left. Her nose scrunched but she couldn’t hide a slight smile. “Yeah well, what can I say? I guess I’m just blessed with people skills.” 

“Let’s not call it that, Commander.” Ashley stopped what she was doing and passed the job onto Alenko, him relaying the attack and talking to someone she couldn’t see or hear through the comm. “Got to say, even I was pumped after your little speech. The way you raised your gun. Inspiring stuff. You should do those little recruitment films.” 

“Yeah, okay Ash. I’ll get right on that, in the meantime, you should work on positioning. Trying to shoot from, not behind, but inside a crate was the funniest thing I have seen. It was like watching a groundhog pop out to take a few shots. Hell, that bun on your head was like a marker.” Ashley bumped her hip to the side, opening her mouth in fake offense for the quick jab. “And I’m alive aren’t I? And don’t knock the bun, baby.”

“Yeah heaven forbid they pushed a foot further and looked down. Glad to see you made it out fine.” 

Setting the data-pad down, she made her way around and attempted to look at what Kaidan was doing. Ashley, not noticing the commander’s attention shift, kept talking “Actually I got a graze on my arm. Stung like a bitch but I think I’ll live. I mean you look a little worse for wear but not a broken bone, not even a bullet hole. I was beginning to- oh.” Ashley huffed and leaned on the table once she realized that she was no longer being listened to, her fist resting against her cheek. “Finally got a secure channel. The Alliance is sending help. They were asking about you earlier. We told them everything, they went silent after that.” She nodded slowly to Ashley, however still trying to get in on what Alenko was doing. 

“They told us to alert them when you showed up. Dead or alive. Sorry, we didn’t send a proper search party.” 

_Oh. Thanks, Ash._

The commander shrugged, “Can’t say I blame you. After that last building collapsed, I’d assume I was dead too. Missed me by a few feet I think. I just got knocked under some debris.” 

Ashley tilted her head up a little “I see someone patched you up. I heard they sent Doctor Croy that way. By the look of your shitty hand wrap, I’m gonna guess he found you. He just graduated you know? I feel kinda bad for him.” Well, now that makes sense.

“He said he wasn’t used to the field, give him a break, probably shaken up just like everyone else.” The commander defended him, though she did have to admit that the wrapping job was a little wonky. Wonky? That was a good word for him.

“Commander I have a... Admiral Hackett on the comm. He wants to speak with you.” Kaidan paused and stared at her. Admiral? She had heard of Hackett, but they had not formally met. Only hearing him through debriefing or recorded assignments. By the sound of Kaidan’s tone, he was just as surprised by the call as she was.

Both Ashley and Kaidan looked at her questioningly, awaiting some kind of response. However, it wasn’t like she was going to decline. Scooting and switching places with the Lieutenant, she gazed down at the screen below her. The image is static and waiting for her to patch the message through. Placing a finger on the screen, an older more decorated man appeared. His eyes wrinkled and slightly sunk in as well as a deep scar lining his upper lip and part of his cheek. His expression is tense and rather intimidating. 

Remembering her manners, she saluted “Admiral Hackett. A pleasure to meet you, sir.” 

The admiral nodded and saluted back. “The pleasure is all mine, Commander. Hell of a thing you just did. I have seen the reports and even a few surveillance pieces. Rallying those citizens. Word has already spread to Earth.”

Already spread? Damn. It had only happened a few hours ago and this man came across as more informed than she was. “I did what I thought best to ensure the survival of the colonists. Kicked a lot of batarian ass in the process. These people are the ones who did us proud, not me, sir.” She coughed slightly, maybe that was a little too informal.

“And you led them to victory, which is just as deserving of an appraisal. Your actions have sparked quite the conversation between the human representatives and the Council,” he finished with a slight bounce on his heels, straightening his posture. 

Well, that was unexpected. From everything she had heard, the council never cared about human lives, that including their victories. She always figured they saw humans as more of a nuisance than actual people. Her eyes began to lower, her thoughts already racing. “I take it they aren’t pleased?”

His image glitched, pixels distorting in many colors before correcting solidifying into the recognizable image of the Admiral. “Quite the opposite. Hearing of your stand, they have acknowledged you as a strong authority and representative to humans, as well as requesting that you be immediately transferred to the Citadel after your award ceremony.” 

Peridot eyes shot forward, widening at the news. Even Ashely now stood at attention and glanced at Kaidan to make sure she heard correctly. Him not quite believing it either. “The Council wants me to come to the Citadel? Why would they... And an award sir, I don’t think that’s-“

“You are now a symbol, Commander. Whether you like it or not you have stirred something. Humans are now coming together and are making some noise. You are a victor in their eyes and right now, if you want to do something for these people, play it out and be the hero you are. The Council recognizes what has happened today. They can’t ignore something like this.”

She couldn’t ever see herself as a symbol, she was a soldier. Playing pretend and being carted around as some political tool made her uncomfortable to no end. 

A medal was one thing, but this was just... too much.

“Sir, with all due respect, I just did my job. I picked up a gun and fired. And how can you be so sure the Council has good intentions in this? If I can recall correctly, there is a Turian on that Council. The Citadel has hundreds of Turians. My stay wouldn’t be welcomed in the slightest.” The Commander’s fist balled slightly, just the idea of it all put her on edge. However, the wounds kept her from digging dirty nails into her palms and causing any more damage.

“She has a point, Admiral,” Ashley spoke up, knowing she shouldn’t talk, but feeling like she had to. “Look I agree, what she has done is well-deserving of recognition-“ The Commander gave her an annoyed glance, not wanting that thought to continue “-but... there is too much bad blood. Having a soldier who just whipped out a small Batarian fleet has to leave her open to... something!”

Kaidan bit his lower lip while leaning back with his hands on the edge of the table. Cheeks gout from inhaling sharply. “What exactly would she be going to the Citadel for?” The question made all three turn and look to Hackett for an answer. 

The older man sighed and seemed to have picked up a report, inspecting it before locking onto the Commander. 

“You will meet with Ambassador Donnel Udina. From there you will remain with him as an unofficial guard and guest while he and the Council come to an agreement on the position and end this war. As of today, Turian’s upon the Citadel have agreed to comply, already presenting their own Ambassador who will be accompanied by a Spectre candidate. The both of you will have to work together and simultaneously make sure nothing gets in the way of this union. There is talk of peace, Commander, we want you to help us obtain it.”

Everything felt heavy in those moments. Her armor dragged her down, but with muscles locked so tightly, she couldn’t move. There was talk of peace? Actual peace? An end to this mess. An end to what happened today. 

All that responsibility riding on her. Yet it wasn’t like that necessarily, was it? She needed to make an appearance. Act it out while playing bodyguard too. This was... asking a lot, to say the least.

And working with a Turian up close was nerve-wracking. She knew how they operated and that they had no respect for her people. How could she cooperate with something like that? Turians were just the same as those who attacked today. No real motive. No real explanation. Just because they could and they saw humans as insects. They were disgusting and she was yet to even meet one face to face.

But... saying that was no better than what they say about her people. She hadn’t met one. She had an opportunity to stop that. To make a spot for humans in the galaxy. Even if that meant a little discomfort on her part. It was selfish not to accept.

Thin calloused fingers raised and swiped a few red strands out of her face. For a moment she could see her reflection on the screen, reminding her that this is what people will see. Not a politician, a soldier. One of the people. But a hero, like the Admiral had said. Yet, she knew she was just like them, and isn’t that what people need right now?

She just really wished it wasn’t her.

“...How soon will I need to ship out?” Ashley gripped her arm. “Commander.” The two stared at each other for a while. The look in her eyes telling all and making Ashley loosen her grip. For a moment it was surprising, out of the three, Ashley was the most... unaccepting of the aliens. A lot of trust resides between them at that moment.

“Two days. Tomorrow you will go through the ceremony and immediately be transferred to a ship heading for the Citadel. C-Sec will be awaiting your arrival and from there you will be better informed of the situation.”

Kaidan pushes away from the table, looking back at the collective soldiers, his teeth gritted, obviously still not too happy about the arrangement. “You can’t take anyone with you? You are just going in alone?” His eyes avoided the Commanders.

Thinking about it, doing this alone did scare her slightly, she would feel much better with them tagging along. “May I request that Lieutenant Alenko and Gunnery Chief Williams accompany me? I would have no other watch my back other than these two, sir. They helped me immensely today.”

“Ambassador Udina isn’t going to be happy... request granted. An alliance ship is inbound and has notified that it will be arriving momentarily. I look forward to our meeting in person.”

The two with her both sighed in relief. Looks like the gang was sticking together for now.

Shepard saluted once more, not sure what to do now. “Thank you, sir. I will do Earth proud.” The Admiral saluted in return, “You already have, Commander. Hackett out.”

There wasn’t even any time to talk among themselves. As soon as the comm ended, the dust began to stir and people cheered as the first ship landed. Men and women rushing past them to board or receive aid. However, she remained still along with Alenko and Williams. The three trying to process what just happened. 

A minute seemed to go by. Metal tipped boots could be heard drawing closer. Two heavily armed Alliance soldiers standing at attention. Both positioned to address her. This was all happening now. 

“Commander, we have been informed of your conversation with Admiral Hackett. If you would follow us to the ship, along with Gunnery Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko. ..........There is a medic waiting in case............” Ashley and Kaidan grabbed a few items, tucking them under their arms and readying to leave and board the ship. Kaidan stopped to ask a few questions but only received, “each of you will be further informed once we arrive at Alliance Navy headquarters. The colonists will be transported to a safer location and we are already working on helping those who are staying. We must leave soon.”

Not having any items with her, she straightened and moved to stand between her small squad. A thick hand resting on her back while Kaidan tilted his head down to give a reassuring smile. This time she couldn’t find it in herself to smile back. “Okay, we are ready to go.”

She was Commander Shepard. Newly appointed War Hero and symbol of the Alliance. She would have to do her best to work for peace, but she still had to expect hostility to come her way. That was all she had experienced, all she knew. Playing nice with a bunch of aliens might be harder than she originally thought. She could only hope they would keep their promise, especially whoever she would be working with. Honestly, having no clue what working together really meant. 

Yet, who was she kidding? Humans were capable of the same treachery she was expecting of the Turians and Batarians.

She would have to prepare for anything that was to come. 

Her mind readying for one battle to the next.


	2. Destiny Within the Stars

Billions had flocked to watch the ceremony. Families crowding together and watching as Shepard stood at attention as the Admiral pinned a medal to her chest. Screen reading ‘Admiral Hackett awarding Commander Shepard’. Her eyes are not faltering and maintaining professionalism the entire time. After, the two saluted and shook each other's hands.

It wasn’t until the process was over and people were conversing, frustratingly trying to get a moment with their newly appointed war hero, did anyone get to see anything other than a soldier. A man, seemingly twice her age, walked up from behind and placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder. The touch made her quickly whip around and smile brightly. She whispered something, the tilt in her neck and patting of her palms against her pants showing a more shy side. Shepard was fast to recollect. Any insecurity she had, quickly dissipating once his hand reached to twine with hers and his other gripped her forearm. The contact is gentle, yet visibly firm and reassuring.

New words flashed at the bottom of the screen, the cameras now focusing on the two and their exchange.

“-And what an amazing day for Earth, Johnson. I still can’t believe what has happened. Oh, it appears Captain Anderson is now congratulating the Commander! Commander Shepard was previously the Captain’s xo before being assigned to the colonies. How proud he must be.” The rather flashy dressed reporter appeared on the screen. A long, tight-fitting dress hugging her curves, and a set of diamonds hanging from her ears.

Another reporter, a man, seemingly Johnson, stood beside her. Him appearing more business casual with a simple black button-up shirt tucked into vanilla pants. “Absolutely, Khalisah. I can only imagine the self-accomplishment Commander Shepard is feeling. A no truer rags-to-riches tale.” Finishing his take, Johnson lifted a hand and swiped back perfectly slicked salt and pepper hair.

The camera panned and settled back on Shepard and Anderson. The two not seeming to be able to pull away from each other. Anyone who took the time to watch carefully could see this wasn’t just some exchange between a student and a teacher. It was deeper than that. The small caring touches and reassurance. Like a father beaming at his daughter; who just won the big game.

The reporter's voices faded, Shepard now taking up the majority of the screen. She was in full uniform. Fabrics of blues and silver fitted well to her figure, but not hiding the bulky white medical gauze against her ribs and neck. A few bruises already bleeding up into her skin like war paint. Her right hand is now cleanly wrapped. Her face had been left relatively unscathed. Only minor scrapes and cracks running along her lips. Carmine hair untucking itself from her ear and hanging loosely against her cheeks, only adding to her purely human aura.

More words appeared, reading something along the lines of ‘Preparing to disembark’ and mention of the Citadel. Anderson gave a nod to the commander, the two breaking contact. Both appeared saddened by how their reunion had to be kept so short, but Shepard kept her head low and hid any emotion she might be feeling at that moment.

Two more soldiers gathered at her side, giving nods of readiness and receiving only a turn and walk as a response. Anderson was almost held back by other officials wishing to speak but not glancing away as she was guided away down the hall. Officers having to wall themselves between citizens and Shepard as they reached out, hoping to get a proper glance or even a touch.

Once at the end of the hall, she gave one last glance to the people, the crowd went almost utterly silent. Lenses zooming in and focusing on intense jade eyes. Imaging so clear it was almost possible to see the reflection of the people in her iris. It seemed the green's dramatic contrast to her red hair was enough to portray her as a unique individual.

And as soon as she had turned, she was gone. Disappearing behind a large door with the two soldiers who followed behind. An audible click echoing as the door shut behind them.

Immediately the crowd began to cheer once more. The name “Shepard!” being chanted and celebrated, as if they were all waiting for some sort of encore or ‘return to the stage.’ After a few seconds, the reporters reappeared and continued to drag out the shock and awe of what had happened. “And with that, Commander Shepard is off to the Citadel! Truly remarkable, Khalisah. A  _ human _ being invited like this? Perhaps the Council has had a change of heart for humankind.”

“Well, Shepard has quite the task up ahead. There is already word that the Turian people are not too thrilled about her little transfer. Will she be accepted with open arms, or will Shepard be another failed pawn in this war effort? I’m Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani,”

“And this is Johnson Migs Banigan!”

“-Keep watching for everything there is to know on Shepard’s journey.”

,...

Cobalt blue eyes reflected against a datapad. The information scrolling slowly on the screen while a deeply frustrated Turian paced around a rather large decorated office. His brow plates furrowing so deep, the expression was getting to be rather painful. 

He wasn’t given any time. No time to truly dig deep in his research and assess what he was dealing with. Garrus was confident in his abilities to follow orders, but having them dumped onto him so suddenly did not exactly make him feel “ecstatic”. It infuriated him. If his work slipped because of late notification, the fault was still on him.

Garrus had only received news of his new assignment only hours earlier, being called into a reserved room that contained a few higher-ranking officials and a Turian ambassador. 

Their chatter and bickering seizing the moment Garrus stated his name. 

_ “Vakarian, you have been briefed?” The ambassador, Orinia, standing at the head of the table, gazed at the young soldier before her. His face was welcomingly fresh and much more filled with life than those who currently surrounded her. Yet she could see in his eyes that he was a man of action; fierce. Precisely what they needed. _

_ Straightening his posture, Garrus cleared his throat, “Yes ma’am. I just received the message. I assure you, this will not affect my performance.” _

_ Orinia waved her hand in the air, movements following with her words. “I fully expect it to affect your performance.”  _

_ Walking around the table, she stopped just beside him and pulled up a holovid of this morning's news feed. Commander Shepard’s ceremony playing silently. “The commander will be arriving at the Citadel in a short time. The human ambassador and I have... agreed that a mutual partnership would be extremely beneficial.” _

_ Garrus tried not to glare at the vids. The sight of Shepard made him feel something raw. While he admired her military tactics and actions, she was still the enemy and that made him hold nothing but contempt for her. He had no doubts she felt the same way. _

_ “Vakarian, the Council thinks highly of you. They have set their sights on you as a potential Spectre candidate for the skills that you possess. You get the job done, I can guarantee you Spectre candidacy will not be the only offer you will be receiving. This would be astronomically beneficial for your career, no matter what you choose.” She faced him fully, wanting him to understand the depth of her proposal. “What we need right now is two young alien forces to work together. Commander Shepard’s actions on Elysium have opened up an opportunity, one that will not go to waste. It has been decided that you will be the one to join the commander here on the Citadel, aiding her and her accompaniment in a mission the Council and Ambassador Udina have previously decided upon. Do you understand your objectives, Vakarian?”  _

_ Garrus’s mouth gaped for a moment, but only for a moment. He had questions, too many to be answered here with so little time. For instance: why him? Truly there were other, better suited, young, turian candidates for playing sweet and kindly with the humans. Maybe that was just it, Garrus had no real experience with humans, perhaps they hoped to blindsight him. If that was true, he wanted nothing more than to scoff, drop the datapad and say ‘no’.  _

_ Then his father, Castis, entered his mind. While his father did not hide his disdain for Garrus’s consideration for becoming a Spectre, Garrus had a feeling his old man would commend him for making the attempt to work with a human. Maybe even have pride in his son for being portrayed as the perfect CSec officer. Maybe his father had something to do with this. _

_ Leveling himself with the holovid, Garrus nodded and swallowed back his questions. They would be answered soon, no doubt. “Yes ma’am. I understand and will do my utmost best for CSec and all of the turian race.” Orinia hummed in approval, glancing up at the other in the room and giving a nod. A few taking their leave and others getting to work on filing reports. _

_ “I won't lie to you, Vakarian, playing nice and looking good plays a big part in all of this. If you can't act jovial towards the commander in the public eye, it makes us look bad.” Her hand waved and the holovid dissipated into static, forcing Garrus to stand upright and refocus on her.  _

_ “I can play nice. I am sure the Commander has no intention of acting anything other than cordial for the press, either.” This earns a small chuckle from the superior, a very unusual thing to hear, Garrus notes. “I do not doubt either of your abilities to feign friendship. In fact, I pity you. If the Commander is anything like the human Udina, Spirits give you strength.” The ambassador pulled away and returned to her datapad. _

_ Garrus cringed at her last statement. Why on Palavan would she tell him that? _

As soon as he left that meeting, Garrus took to learning everything he possibly could with the little time he had left. Cramming it all in to be prepared for anything he might experience upfront. Shepard’s file is what he worked over the most. Combing through the public data at least a dozen times. She was from Earth, no surprise there. A bit of a questionable history involving gang affiliation and minor offenses, yet she seemed to straighten herself out after joining the alliance. There wasn’t anything all that interesting for him to study, yet he couldn't help himself from returning to the file and giving it one more look. A picture, one of her seemingly back on earth, younger, is what mostly drew his attention. If he had to guess, he’d assume she had been freshly enlisted. A few other soldiers blurring into the background. 

Her red hair was pinned back out of her face. Dirt smeared over her… what was it called? The extranet confirmed it was called a nose. She wore a green tank top and large cargo pants that hung much too loose on her lower half, her overall appearance ratty and disheveled. However, there was a giant smile plastered to her face. One so big, that her eyes formed little crescent moons. Garrus wondered what she could be so happy about but eventually convinced himself that he didn’t care. Or at least, that he shouldn't.

A knock on the office door brought him back to the present, quickly closing out of the file and calling for the visitor to come in. An officer, much like him, only redder in color, opened the door and stood stiffly. “The Commander will be arriving at the Citadel momentarily, we will escort you to Ambassador Udina's office. Do you have everything you need?”

Hm, and here he thought he would be a part of the landing party. Perhaps they want a more secluded initial introduction?

Garrus collected a few files along with his datapad, the request for weapons and belonging transfer had already been handled. This was it.

“Ready as I'll ever be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to Comment <3


	3. O' War!

“Holy shit!”

“Ash!” Kaidan came up from behind the Gunnery Chief, giving a playful shove to her shoulder, “Language.”

Ashley laughed and pressed her palms and cheek to the cold glass window of the ship, completely bedazzled at the sight before her. They had just pulled into the Citadel docks, the vessel admittedly being one of the most impressive sights she had ever seen. Though, Ash still wasn’t partial to those who inhabit it. Kaidan also marveled, the Citadel being a large contrast to Vancouver, Canada. “I’ve never seen so many lights. It looks like it’s glowing! You seein’ this Commander?” He pushes up against Ashley in an attempt to get a better look.

After receiving no response, Kaidan twists his head to look at Shepard. Her ears are bright red while the rest of her is starch pale. Sensing her anxiety, Kaidan approached and took the empty seat nearby. Flipping it around so his chest and crossed arms rest on the chair’s back. “Hey… You okay? Getting Nervous?” He kept his tone soft, not wanting to push the Commander more than she had been today. Shepard nodded, her brain had yet to properly process what was happening, what was going to happen. The ceremony only added to her discomfort and anxieties over the situation, causing her to stew in her own thoughts and make things worse. After docking this ship, she’d be fighting a whole different kind of battle. A more personal one.

_ What if? _ … That was all she could think.  _ What if they all dislike me? Hate me? Hate Kaidan or Ashley?  _ How could she possibly achieve an alliance with a people who want absolutely nothing more than for her: humanity; to drop dead? She wasn’t even sure of her own feelings towards aliens. Her run in with the batarians was just one species, and as much as she wanted to believe that Elysuim was an isolated encounter, there was still a nagging fear that all aliens carried that same hate and malicious intent. Or worse, the turians being more maniacal than the batarians. That last thought had Shepherd's heart leaping up into her throat.

“Commander,” Ashley joined the two, settling right next to Shepard and draping an arm behind her neck “,what do you have to worry about? You got this, you got us! After today, being a show-pony for a little bit has gotta be easy. You just smile, flash your gun if necessary, and say your ‘please and thank you’s’.” Shepard shrunk further into her seat, groaning loudly.

Ash pursed her lips. “What’d I say?” 

Kaidan frowned before scooting his chair closer, “Shepard, no one said this was gonna be easy. I am sure you'd take being shot at over democracy any day, but we all believe in you. We touch down any second, so... you gotta shake this off. Ash is right about one thing, we got your back, no matter what.”

Ash puffed and brushed the offending comment away, “One thing? My word is gold, mister!”

Slowly, Shepard lifted her head and turned to look at the both of them. It was clear she was tired, but something else was definitely eating at her. Instead of vocalizing her worries, Shepard sighs before smirking and grabbing the duffel bag by her feet. In a one hard fluid swing at Kaidan, he’s knocked out of his seat and left with a stunned and confused reaction, which only lasts a few seconds before they all start laughing. Shepard extends her hand to help him up, then hurls the bag over her arm. 

“Alright, you both are right. We got this. We are gonna walk out there, show those political alien bastards who's boss and then some!” Shepard placed her hands on her hips assertively and stared ahead. Both Kaidan and Ashley give each other a concerned glance before snorting and cackling at the Commander's antics.

…

The landing party had not been what Shepard was expecting. The three ship occupants had walked down the landing pad, only to be met by Ambassador Udina, a human female secretary, and two armed officers. Shepard guessed they were turian, but their masks prevented her from having a good look. The shape of their bodies unequivocally alien, humans don't poke out in those areas. Shepard attempted to piece together an image of what they might look like under the armor, but her imagination wasn't doing a sufficient good job at filling in the blanks. The only thing that came to mind was… well, a xenomorph. Boy, did she pray that there wasn't a second mouth inside there somewhere.

Udina, quick to learn, was an abstruse man. Immediately upon introduction, Shepard gave a salute then extended her hand, he coughed, grasped it quickly, then retreated his hand back to his side. As if he was gracing her with  _ his  _ presence and this was all to be kept on a fine schedule. No dilly-dallying: and dilly-dally they did not. The party made their way towards the elevator and stepped inside. Udina wasted no time to dive right into a spiel, how he had seen the reports and how Shepard was “a promising outlook for humanity's place in the galaxy”. In her peripheral vision, Shepard could see Ashley rolling her eyes into the back of her head. Kaidan looked as if he was having a difficult time taking this man seriously too, his brows furrowing as he listened.

The elevator had come to a stop, and the officers gathered to the front of the doors, keeping Shepard from seeing what was about to happen.

The doors chimed, then slid open.

Within seconds, Shepard was blinded by flashing lights. Her body jerked back out of reflex. If it wasn’t for Kaidan grabbing her by the arm and steadying her on her feet, she might have landed on the poor secretary. What happened next was pure chaos. The guards pushed past the crowds and ushered the party to follow behind. A crowd swarmed them. Faces of different colors, textures, sizes; all a blur. So close yet so far. All Shepard could do was step towards where she was guided, not even knowing where she was being guided to. The noise was almost as unbearable as the flashing lights. Her name being shouted and questions she didn't understand being screamed into her ears. The entire situation was absolutely terrifying. Would this happen every time she was seen out and about on the Citadel? If so, Shepard knew she wouldn't last long.

Suddenly, Shepard felt herself being shoved down and into a vehicle of some kind. All of the party had successfully made it to a limousine-esque car, though all of them were sitting in silent horror of what just happened. Ashley, of course, was the first to try to ease the tension. “Well, if that's the kind of treatment you get when arriving, imagine the go away party when you leave. Plenty of tears and booze, I'm sure!”

Now all attention was on the Gunnery Chief. Udina gave a scowl while Kaidan just pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. If Shepard had to guess, even the officers were silently judging her statement by the way they had turned to face the Chief.

Ash only shrugged her shoulders and raised a brow. “What’d I say?”

Udina, clearly wanting to recollect and move on, coughed to gain everyone's attention once more. “Now then, Shepard, we will arrive at my office shortly. You will be introduced to the Turian Ambassador, Orinia. With her, she will be accompanied by an officer, who you have been assigned to work with while here on the Citadel. He will accompany you on any missions the Council bestow, along with your current assignment- which reminds me, has our guest arrived yet?” His attention refocuses to his secretary, who is currently driving the car. 

“Yes Ambassador,” She says cheerfully, but her face remains deadpan. Shepard wouldn’t be surprised if working with this man for so long sucked the soul right out of her.

“Very good, as I was saying; you will be expected to work with this turian, cooperation is in your best interest. It is very important that you-”

“His name?” Shepard finally spoke. Her body leaning forward ever so slightly.

Udina, shocked by the interruption, sputtered, “I beg your pardon?”

“What is his name? You are telling me to work with this guy, yet have not given his name. Don’t you think that it’s important that I know it first before you go off on why I’m being forced to operate with him as a part of my team?” Shepard lifted both her hands for emphasis on her words.

He gawked at her, dumbfounded by her brash statement. No doubt he considered her behavior impertinent.

“Vakarian. Garrus Vakarian. Now… If I may continue,” His words cut sharply through the air, annoyance made quite clear. Shepard could feel a small nudge from Ash, her way of saying;  _ hell yeah, stick it to em’.  _ It took everything to stop a prideful smirk from forming on her lips.

“You, your team, and Officer Vakarian have already been assigned your first task. The asari Councilor, who is currently taking care of matters on her home world, Thessia, has requested that you accompany one of her nieces here on the Citadel. Lady Moninala is a woman of high esteem and she will receive only the best to see to her protection.” With that, he reached towards the door console and pulled out a data pad, passing it over for the three to read over. 

“I don’t understand sir, I thought I would be meeting the Council, not acting as some bodyguard. Doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of me being here?” Shepard swiped a finger up to read more of the files contents, not grasping why they would have her summoned all the way out here to show her off, only to have her do something so insubstantial. Not that having a Councilor request you personally wasn’t an honor, Shepard just expected more.

“You misunderstand, Shepard!” Udina waved his hands frustratingly, compelling her to sit back against her seat.  _ What a piss-ant. _

“Lady Moninala is here on business. She has long been in support of establishing peace with humanity, continuously attempting to bend the Councillors ear, but to no avail. She has acquired many followers for her beliefs, as well as those who oppose them. You see? Her safety is not all you would be tasked with. A human and a turian standing, side by side, for an asari political figure would be… well-!” Now Shepard understood, this was a group effort. Lady Moninala was a key piece to this game, as was everyone else. To be seen with her and a turian, this was the true assignment. Protecting her was just an additional requirement. 

So, this really was all for show. 

Now in full understanding of what was expected, Shepard lowered her gaze. Udina droned on about all the rules that she would have to follow and how he needed to work on her attitude; as well as correcting her squads habit of inappropriate comments. She barely listened, only retaining bits and pieces. 

The car slowed, coming to a full stop. The two officers exited quickly, confirming there was no swarm to fend off this time around. One by one they climbed out of the vehicle, Kaidan giving a small reassuring pat to the small of Shepard's back once they had all withdrawn from the cab. At Least she wasn’t alone in this mess. Udina tread past all of them, leading straight to his office. His secretary daintily skipping in her pump heels to keep up. Behind her, Shepard could hear Ash whisper “Go, girl, go.”

As they approached Udina’s office, Shepard took the time to scan her surroundings. Everything in this area of the Citadel was either white, silver, or an off putting variant of cream. An occasional plant placed here or there. There were no decorations on the walls, only numbers to signify location. 

_ Cozy _ , she brooded. Maybe her quarters would hold more personality, if not, she had a lot of work to do. She was sure there had to be shops where she could purchase posters nearby.

At some point, they had reached the door to the office, Udina giving the party a final nod to straighten up and mind themselves, before placing his hand to the green unlock panel, allowing the doors to open. As expected, inside there were multiple figures waiting. The first to catch her eye was, no doubt about it, a turian. They wore a decorated uniform, similar to Udina’s, only blue in color. The turian promptly greeted and began conversing with Udina, something about appearances and other officials.  _ So, this must be Ambassador Orinia _ . Which also meant that this was a female turian, given Udina wasn't confused on his pronouns. Her features were sharp as expected, but there was a sense of beauty about her. Perhaps it was the face paint. The colors of reds and turquoise made her yellow eyes glow fiercely, adding to her already strong air of intimidation. Her leathery hide provided an interesting contrast to what looked like giant scales. Turians were much more prehistoric than she expected. It was fascinating.

While Shepard studied her first unmasked turian, another was doing the exact same to her.

Just behind the Turian Ambassador, Garrus stood tall and at attention, studying Shepard in similar fashion, though more subtly. She moderately differed from her picture. Pinker in person, flesh dotted with freckles that weren't clearly visible though holo vids or images. The images had successfully captured the intensity of her eyes, their shade of green was something he had felt he’d never seen before. Garrus also noticed that the holo vids did a lot to conceal the intensity of her bruising. Elysium must have been quite the fight, there was still a scent of medigel and sulfur on the Commander. However, it was her hair that he found most intriguing. While the very thought of its texture disgusted him, the color was unique from many humans he had seen, like a helmet of fire sitting atop her head. 

His focus shifted to those standing behind her. He was aware that the Commander would have two other humans as company, yet he did not have the opportunity to research them more than he would have liked. The man, Alenko, if Garrus recalled correctly, stood closest to the Commander. His body rigid as if awaiting formal command. The other, Gunnery Chief… something… Was a little more light on her feet, swaying and scoping out the entire office, almost as if she was doing everything in her power not to acknowledge anyone in the room aside from fellow humans. 

His attention returned back to the Commander, only to be surprised with two emeralds staring straight back.. Their gaze locked and for once, Garrus wasn't quite sure how to respond. Would this be the proper time to introduce himself, or would the Ambassadors do that for them? Would they just stand here, sizing each other up, for Spirits knows how long? She had to have been briefed by now, so she must know who he is. Or perhaps she doesn’t? No, she had to know. Her eyes told him that she knew exactly who he was. What did she see in him? Did aliens repulse her like they undeniably did her female friend? As hard as he searched those eyes for answers, he was given none. Only an unbreaking stare, one he countered with no intention of backing down.

“Commander, it is an honor to meet you. I am not one easily impressed,your actions on Elysium are highly venerated.” Ambassador Orinia stepped forward, finished catching up with Udina and now wanting to address the newly appointed celebrity before her.

Shepard’s heavy gaze eventually gives in with a couple blinks, revolving her head to meet with the Ambassador. Garrus letting out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. With a respectful salute, Shepard nods,“The honor is all mine, ma'am, and thank you, I merely did my job as a soldier.” 

  
  


“More than your job, I’d say. I see that you have noticed Vakarian here. I trust that Ambassador Udina had explained the arrangement expected of both of you and your assignment?” Orinia motions Garrus to step forward, the young officer complying swiftly. “Vakarian is highly skilled at hand to hand combat, an exceptional long range sniper, and excellent with weapons modification. One of the best younger candidates we have to offer. It is in CSecs favorable opinion that he is best suited towards the accompaniment of you and your team while here on the Citadel.” It felt strange to be spoken of with so much high esteem, sure Garrus was confident in his abilities, but to hear them spoken aloud by another person was… weird.

Shepard smiled brightly, her eyes drawing up similar to the photo and confirming that she smiles with her entire face. “I have more than enough faith in your choice and… Vakarian's abilities. I look forward to working together.” She paused. Was it because she forgot his name? No, she didn’t know how to address him. They could discuss formalities at a later time.

“Excellent, Officer Gitanti here will escort you and your companions to your housings. Garrus has been stationed in the apartment building across from yours, so the four of you will have plenty of time to get more acquainted tonight once settled in. Tomorrow, you are scheduled to meet with Lady Moninala, you will be filled in on the rest at that time, I am afraid I can’t spare any more details. Udina, we still have business to discuss regarding a particular port from yesterday, if you recall.” Udina nodded once then motioned his hand for the officer to escort Shepard, Garrus, Kaidan, and Ashley all out of his office, presumably back to the cab, but not before his secretary pulled out a few things from her blouse pocket.

“You each will have a set allowance of credits to spend. Here are your chits, bank information will be forwarded. Try not to spend it all in a single day.” Her grin was meant to feel warm, but again, all Shepherd could recognize was;  _ kill me _ . This poor woman.

Garrus, who expected this, fell into line and waited politely for Shepard and her comrades to exit first. However, given the confused expressions, he gathered that they had  **not** expected to be dismissed so hastily. Each giving each other a look before awkwardly taking their chits and falling into their own disorganized lineup, leaving the office. Garrus shut the door while exiting last, remaining a few steps behind so as to watch them walk ahead. The other two team members spoke aloud about how much might be on their newly acquired chits, and what they could possibly spend them on. Shepard fumbled with hers, face showing deep uncertainty

She truly had no desire to be a part of this, Garrus mused.

At least on that, they felt the same.


	4. Beware; For I Am Fearless

Shepard rotated the shower handle in front of her, easing up on the pressure until the water flowing from the nozzle above stopped completely. Reaching out to feel for a towel, she pulled the fabric inside the shower, dried her body, then stepped out onto the bare, cold, tile floor. A hazy fog of steam clouded the mirror over the sink; Shepard doodling a star into the condensation with a finger before wiping most of it away with her fist.

Using the towel to sponge at her wet hair, Shepard took the time to inspect her reflection. Medigel had done an adequate job of reducing the nastier bits, but she still felt like an abstract painting due to the more severe contusions. Luckily, her ribs were feeling better, a little bruising was better than breaks. That didn't stop her eyes from wandering to other places. Wounds already healed and scarred over. One, in particular, running just under her breast to the navel, made her turn away and shut off the bathroom light, heading to the living area.

The apartment was exceedingly nicer than she expected. After enlisting, Shepard was happy to have a dry place to sleep. _ This  _ ... This was extravagant. 

It is an open flooring layout; the living room being the first thing you encounter upon entering. Contemporary styled furniture: black leather with white lining chaise sofa and ottoman, a glass coffee table that appeared to almost hovering over gentle light. Behind the living space was the bed and dresser, colors matching the seating. Their patterns are more abstract. Shepard had counted six pillows on the bed, four for decoration. Two extras tucked away underneath the bed frame. _ Ridiculous _ . However, she did like the sheets, noting how soft they were immediately upon inspection. To the right was the kitchen, more of a copper bar space with an impressive fridge. The bathroom was at the end of the apartments only hallway, mostly hidden from view. 

It all felt like so much. No doubt Ashley and Kaidan loved their similar setups, already raiding the bar and making use of their chits; if Shepard knew them as well as she thought she did. Especially Ash.

Shepard, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than a hot shower when her apartment keys had been granted to her. She had cleaned up on the trip here, but that was hours ago, and she was starting to feel tacky under her suit. Plus, it was about time she rebandaged her hand.

Walking to the dresser, Shepard tugged it open, finding it fully stocked. She had a feeling this was the secretary’s doing, wanting them to all look presentable and have plenty of options. 

Shepard had never caught her name, she would have to remember to ask next time. 

The raiment didn’t look all bad. A blue evening gown, folded neatly at the front, was indeed beautiful, but what occasion would she have the reason to wear such a thing? Shepard settled on a comfier option, pulling an Alliance tank top and pair of sweatpants from the dresser and walking back to her duffel bag to grab some underwear, taking her sweet time to put it all on.

“Damn.” Shepard found herself speaking allowed. Okay, the clothes were incredibly comfy. Maybe she wouldn't have too much trouble adjusting, not with these thread counts.

Now modest again, Shepard walked over to the lined wall on the far left, shudders seeping bits of light through the cracks. Looking around, she spotted a small button panel, reaching out and hovering a finger, settling on the green option. With an audible whir, the shudders began to pull up, revealing the view outside. The room is soon illuminated in soft neon. Outside the window, various restaurants, clubs, and shops glow brightly. In the distance, cars are soaring through the skies; trailing along invisible roads. Beyond that, stars. Billions twinkling in the sky and reflecting off of passing vessels. It is all so stunning, it takes Shepard’s breath away. Below, she can make out people. Turians conversing happily between themselves. Asari dancing together while some unfamiliar type alien plays some sort of instrument. She can even spot a human man sipping a drink at a pub just across the street.

Just across the street.

Garrus was in the apartment ahead, wasn’t he? Shepard searched the building across the street for any signs of life, a few smokers and one lady crowd-watching, similar to what she was doing now, no turian officer. Would he be coming over tonight to introduce himself, as Orinia said? 

Glancing back, the clock above the stove unit read that it was getting fairly late. He wasn’t coming. It was ultimately  _ his  _ choice, he had no real obligation to get to know them. Not really. Shepard doubted Ashley and Kaiden were even in a state to do introductions by the way she could vaguely hear them laughing through the apartment next door. Her prediction of them finding the liquor had been correct.

Shepard rolled her eyes and chuckled, “Dorks.” Who could blame them for getting a little tipsy? They had endured the same day she had. 

Still… Shepard wanted to make an effort here. If Garrus is uncomfortable extending his hand… claw, then Shepard would extend hers first. 

Walking back to her duffel bag, she pulled out a pair of sneakers and forcefully popped them on her feet, as well as throwing on a hoodie. Next, heading to the fridge and grabbing a maroon bottle of what looked like wine. Moscato, maybe? Whatever. It would have to do, hopefully he wasn’t picky.

Shepard felt her person a few times, remembering to grab her apartment key and chit, taking a deep breath and heading to the door. “Remember,” She whispered, “ put on a friendly face.” Locking the door behind her, she made sure to leave a do-not-disturb sign on the handle.

…

Garrus’s apartment was decently hospitable too. While not as modern, it had a certain classic Citadel charm to it. More cream in color with accents of blues. The layout was almost the same, other than being flipped and slightly smaller. The bed closer to the entrance, while the living space and kitchen were located towards the back. 

It had taken him only a few minutes to move in, unloading his mods onto the kitchen counter for easy display and access, a few weapons hidden throughout the apartment, just in case. He was no stranger to sleeping with a pistol by his bedside, having one nearby as an extra sense of security. While setting up the place, time seemed to fly by without him realizing it. Once deeming the place worthy of sleeping, it was nearing midnight. 

He had no real intention of visiting the humans in the apartment opposite to his. It wasn't that he disliked them already, he did not see the reason in it. Working together and acting the part of comradeship should be enough, why go out of the way to be chummy towards one another? Shrugging it off as unimportant, Garrus walked to the kitchen space and pulled out a vial of dextro soda. Mind already moving onto something else and barely bringing the vial to his mouth before hearing a knock at the door. 

He froze.

Slowly setting the vile down, Garrus made his way to the entrance, making sure the rifle, positioned just behind the door, was in reach before turning the handle. If having contact with humans was going to get him killed in a single day, boy, would he be pissed. When the door swung back, he stared ahead only to find- nothing. It was only after glancing down did he see who his mysterious visitor was.

“Commander,” Garrus stared down at the small human standing before him. Her hair was darker, damp. She smelled strongly of floral body wash and clean linen, no longer in a suit, but sporting more casual wear. In her hands was a bottle of some kind, presumably alcohol. His hand, the one out of view, eased its grip on the hidden rifle, the other resting on the door frame. “May I help you?”

Shepard, who just now seemed to realize where she was, held up the bottle. “I wasn’t sure if you were stopping by, or if you forgot. I brought wine, figured it might make getting to know each other easier.” Ah, this was a social visit. Of course, she couldn’t just stay in her apartment and go to bed. 

After all, that's what he was going to do.

Garrus shifted on his feet, realizing he was also no longer in uniform and wearing lounge-wear. He took a second to thank the Spirits he was still wearing his gloves and boots, though he would have preferred a different top. The black one he wore was long-sleeved and covered everything that needed covering, but it gave her a visible outline of his body, and for some reason, that made him uncomfortable. His pants were pretty shapeless, so that was a comfort.

She was still standing there, waiting for an answer. Lips turning upward in what appeared to be a painfully forced smile. 

He could just close the door. Tell her he was tired and that they could try tomorrow. However, tomorrow would eventually arrive and he couldn’t keep sending her off. Depending on how bright she was, maybe he could do just that. Okay, no, he could not do that. Indulging her in a bit of banter for one night wouldn't kill him. 

“Yes… must have... slipped my mind. I hate to tell you, but we turians can’t drink or eat what you humans do. Strictly a dextro diet for us.” He shifts again on his feet, was he coming across as an ass? He felt like that made him come across as an ass.

“Oh,” Shepard held the bottle closer to inspect it, reading the label, as if the text ‘dextro’ would magically appear. “Sorry about that.” Her voice now despondent, eyes downcast. Spirits, he was an ass.

“However,” he stepped back and opened the door further for her, giving access to come inside “I have my supply. Better that you brought a bottle for yourself.” Immediately Shepard’s smile returned, wasting no time to stride past him with the invitation. Closing the door, Garrus swung past the human now invading his living quarters and returned to the kitchen, replacing the soda in the fridge with a dextro whiskey. 

“You set up fast. Ambassador Orinia wasn’t lying about your modding, there’s so much here.” Shepard had followed behind him, walking the length of the counter space and examining each piece of equipment. As Garrus pulled out two glasses, he watched her carefully, not wanting her to mess with any of his things, all currently on display. If he had known she would have waltzed herself over here like this, he would have tossed them into a closet, out of view. 

Holding the bottle and glasses, Garrus ushered them both to the living space and set everything down on the coffee table. “What can I say? You gotta respect your weaponry, that means giving it some love with the best mods one can offer.” 

This earned a small chuckle from the Commander, “Then you must be very good at what you do.” 

Opening the bottle and pouring his glass, Garrus took a seat in the armchair across from the couch. Shepard noticed the distance and sat on the couch, opening her bottle and pouring her glass. The two held their respective drinks, neither taking a sip. 

This is the part Garrus hated, what was he supposed to say? What was she supposed to say?  _ So, do you dislike turians so far? How was the battle earlier, killed a lot of batarians, did you?  _

“What is your favorite color?” 

He almost didn’t hear her correctly. His favorite color? Had she just asked him what his favorite color was? Shepard readjusted her position and sat with her legs crossed on the cushions. “Your favorite color? C’mon, it’s an easy question and a good place to start. Would you rather me ask something else?”

Garrus took a swig of his drink, readjusting his position to cross one leg over the other and leaning back. “Hm. Blue. Yours?”

“Green.” Shepard sipped at her wine. Why did that not surprise him? Alright, this session might not turn out as bad as he had originally thought. “So, you grew up on Earth?”

She hummed, “Yep, mostly on the streets, so I never settled down in one particular area. Have you always been here on the Citadel?”

“No, I was born and raised in Palaven, my homeworld. Though, it feels that I’ve always been here. I was fifteen when I began training.” Another sip, this time Shepard’s eyes widened a bit at his answer. 

“Fifteen? Humans have to be eighteen to enlist. How old are you now?” She leaned in, interest peaked.

Garrus lowered his glass, raising a brow plate. He supposed that would be strange for her to learn, but for him, turians always began training that young. It was completely normal for his people. Another reminder that an alien was currently sitting across from him. “I’m twenty.”

With that, Shepard lost it, slamming backward into the couch and nearly dropping her glass as she dramatically put a hand to her chest. “Twenty?” Failing to see why this was such a shock, Garrus awkwardly confirmed again “Twenty.”

“I am twenty-two! I have had four years in the Alliance, while you have been training since you were fifteen? That’s five years. Yet, you are still two years younger. My god, that is crazy impressive, and all turians are like that? No wonder you kicked our asses so hard during first contact!” While the comment seemingly slipped past the Commander with no hint of anger, Garrus still flinched. He couldn’t comprehend why that wouldn’t bother her. For turians, defeat brings shame. They will go to any length to ensure victory. The genophage was plenty of proof of that. 

Seeing his discomfort, Shepard cleared her throat and straightened back to her original spot. “You know… You don't have to sit here and indulge me. If this is just going to be both of us walking on eggshells, I can finish this bottle alone in my apartment. Say what you want and get it over with.”

She had backed him into an invisible corner, calling him out, but also speaking the truth. He realized she was genuine in wanting to establish some form of acquaintanceship, this wasn't her playing pretend. “Eggshells?” 

“Figure of speech.” She grabbed the neck of the wine bottle, waiting for him to either kick her out or grow a pair. 

“Was today the first time you had seen a turian? Are we what you expected?” Garrus catechized, giving into this human woman’s stubbornness. His gut deducing that pushing her away was the wrong move. 

Receiving the sign she needed, Shepard topped off her glass and set the bottle back on the coffee table. “Yes. I’d seen vids, reports, things like that, but nothing compares to seeing one of you up close.” Her eyes rested on a spot of his hide, just behind his carapace. Her gaze made him grip his glass harder, for some unknown reason to him. He didn't feel threatened, just… nervous. “Anderson had told me turians were avian and reminded him of dinosaurs. I am inclined to agree with him.”

Anderson... He was the one in the holovid at the ceremony, her Captain. Garrus had no clue what a dinosaur was, but he was going to search images of one on the extranet once she left.

“Have you worked with humans before? Do you have an opinion about them?” Shepard was the one to raise her brow this time.

“I have encountered a few, minimal interactions. Not enough to develop a negative or positive judgment. Ambassador Udina, though-”

“It’s okay,” Shepard chimed in “, I don't think anyone likes him. Your secret is safe with me.” For the first time this evening, Garrus gave a genuine laugh. That man was strange and he was happy another person felt the same. Especially one of Udina's kind. By hearing him laugh, a huge grin formed on Shepard's face. Her eyes almost completely disappearing with cheeks pulling ear to ear. Seeing it made Garrus’s jaw slack. It was the same smile from the picture, if not more expressive. She was enjoying herself. Here, with him. Genuinely enjoying herself.

“Your friend, Gunnery Chief…”

“Ashley.”

“Gunnery Chief Ashley, thank you, she doesn't seem too fond of aliens herself. Something I'll need to tread lightly on?”

Shepard shook her head, taking another large sip from her glass, inspiring Garrus to do the same. “Ash has always been pretty wary of aliens. I don’t think she'd purposely cause an issue, but she has no filter. I can’t promise she won’t say something ridiculous. That woman can offend a rock if she puts her mind to it. She means well, though, I promise.”

Refilling his glass, now feeling the alcohol's delightful effects through his system, Garrus lets out another chortle. The Commander's face was flushed, more so than usual, no doubt the wine was affecting her too. “I will keep that in mind. Lieutenant Alenko… has he been with you long?”

“We all met around the time of Elysium, there was an immediate connection. I honestly doubt I could do any of this without them, they are good friends and excellent squad members.” She smiled fondly, clearly viewing her friends in high regard and making him wonder if the two of them would ever achieve something similar.

“Then, I look forward to working with them.” Garrus raised his glass high, bowing his head to her. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

“You mean meeting Lady Moninala? I have no clue. I will prepare myself like I do for any mission, I guess. Have you met her?”

“No, I have seen a few of her gatherings on the extranet, caught a glance when she was in the tower at one point. She makes plenty of headlines when here on the Citadel. I hear she is a pleasant, but very outspoken, character.”

A deep “Mm..” was his only response, the commander swirling the liquid contents of her drink and watching the mini vortex. Garrus found himself in parallel, captivated by his glass. If they continue, both might wind up having one too many, their current comfortable exchange souring in a different direction. Their conversation had carried well into the night, he was surprised she was able to remain awake after all that has happened. Traveling to the Citadel, right after a press storm and firefight, would wear anyone out; including him. 

“Not that I don’t enjoy having a drinking partner, I believe it is way past your bedtime, Commander.” He wasn’t intentionally trying to force her out, just a gentle push to the door, doubting she would want to show up utterly exhausted tomorrow. She didn’t look too bothered, in fact, the mention of the word ‘bed’ had her already shuffling to her feet. 

“Yeah, you are probably right. I can’t believe this day is coming to an end…” She swiped the bottle from the table, forcing the cap back on, not completely focused on her actions. “Do you-” Shepard caught herself, shaking her head and tipping her head back to finish off her remaining drink “No, never-mind.”

Garrus stood, offering to take her glass, the commander passing it right on over. “Didn’t you say we should avoid… what was it? Walking on eggs? Speak freely.”

“Eggshells.” Shepard hiccuped and watched as he made his way to the kitchen, setting the glasses down on empty counter space to be forgotten and ignored for later. “When I have crazy days, like these past few ones, I ask myself what are my highs and lows. You know; what was good about them and what wasn’t. A daily review.” She walked towards the front door while she spoke, tucking the bottle under her arm and taking hold of the door handle. 

Garrus followed leisurely, stopping just a few feet and leaning against the wall. “I see, and what were your highs and lows of today, Commander?”

Shepard turned the handle, not yet opening the door. “My low: I’d have to say being caught in that reporter avalanche. Did  **not** enjoy that at all. My high: Getting to know a turian, of course.” She laughed, “What about you?”

Garrus felt his words catch for a second, he hadn’t expected this to be so impactful, nor did he expect to have to return this weird day retelling gesture. He had only been humoring her. “My high: Having a reason to crack open that bottle of whiskey. Here I was, worried I’d have to save it. My low:..”

Shepard opened the door, placing her body halfway out into the hallway. “Udina?”

“Udina.”

They shared one last smile, the door shutting behind her and leaving Garrus alone once more. The rifle beside the doorframe shifting ever so slightly before knocking to the ground.


	5. I Rise With You, Only To Drown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for how long it took me to write this. I have been writing, editing, and rewriting this chapter for the past three days whenever I have the time. Hopefully, now I will be able to regularly produce more chapters going forward.  
> All the "Main" Characters have now been introduced. I hope you enjoy them. Please comment, it makes my day and inspires me greatly!

_“Jane…”_

Shepard’s eyes fluttered open.

_Dammit._ Rolling over, her hair twists around her face and neck, sticking to her mouth. This position was pretty uncomfortable, her arm firmly tangled in the sheets and held to her back, legs sprawled out in ungodly angles.

“Mmm…” She groaned audibly. “Time… What time is it?...”

An automated voice chimed, “It is currently 4:47 a.m.” its tone too cheery for the freshly awoken Shepard. 

She had only slept for a few hours, having returned from her drink with Garrus and immediately collapsing onto her overly plush bed. There was plenty of time before she met with Lady Moninala, but Shepard knew she would not be able to force herself back to sleep. Dragging her body into an upright position, it was apparent that her rest was not very profitable. Her sight blurry as she blinked away her remaining daze, but not her exhaustion. Coffee would help with that. 

Carefully untangling her limbs, Shepard sauntered on over to the kitchen and got to work on preparing a cup of coffee with the world's most confusing ass machine. The hassle irritating her further. The finished product was hardly worth the crap it put her through. Sipping her steaming cup slowly, she reflected on last night. It wasn’t as if Garrus or her had drunk enough to become inebriated and overshare, but there was a clear personal boundary that had been pushed aside. One Shepard wasn’t entirely sure about. She didn’t think that she had offended him, or, at least he never gave her any indication that he was. He did ease up, following her calling him out, so it was a promising start. Knowing this had Shepard taking a deep, content, breath. A single night of whiskey and wine wouldn't solve their people’s issues, she knew that, yet progress was still progress. 

Yes, Shepard was quite content. Even if her coffee tasted like horseshit.

…

She hadn’t been in the lounge long. After waiting an hour in her room, reading, organizing, brushing her teeth, Shepard put on the armor provided. Everything about it was lighter than what she was used to. With every strap, zipper, and seam secure, she felt as if she wasn’t wearing anything. The armor she had worn previously was shit, yes, but it had extra bulk to it. There was no way this thing would hold up against a rifle. That was until she researched ‘Predator Armor’ on her datapad. A baffled “Oh, shit,” following seeing the benefits: including a vid of some guy taking a rocket to the torso. Who was she to argue with those results?

Enough time had passed for her to travel down to the lower levels, wanting to check out what the area had to offer. Other than three or four stands open outside the building, there weren't loads to explore. She checks out a coffee shop, but sadly, they haven't added human safe options that sounded appealing to her at the moment. In her stomach, the cup from earlier wasn’t settling nicely with the protein bar she found, so eating was the last thing on her mind. Perhaps another day.

“Dammit! See? I told you she would be up and ready to go before us. Probably didn’t even go to bed, the damn vampire.”

Ashely and Kaidan walked side by side, approaching her. Ash holding a familiar designed coffee cup. _Did she honestly bring that from her room?_ Kaidan looked almost as tired as Shepard did but still had a smile. No doubt, Ashley had pushed him to drink more than he normally would have and was feeling the effects of their escapade.

“Not everyone can drink, go comatose, then wake up peachy like you, Ash.” Shepard rolled on her heels, adjusting her armor near her waist, still half expecting the thing to slough off. Ash and Kaidan wore the same armor, if they had the same issues, they weren't brought up. This gave Shepard a decent idea of what the armor might look like on her. If it was as flattering on her as it was Ash, she might grow to fancy this new getup.

“You gotta find the right balance. Too little and there is no effect, too much and you wake up with half your clothes missing, covered in spaghetti.” Ash held up her cup as if to toast to her statement. Kaidan and Shepard, who are not entirely sure how to process what the hell she had said, only nod and try to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Kaidan gave a grin and takes in a big breath. “Beautiful apartments. The rooms they have us in are insane, right Commander? You should see Ash’s, it’s-”

Ash threw an arm out to the side. “Pink! Bastards gave me pink sheets and pink towels. Tried to switch.” 

“Wasn’t having it,” Kaidan smirked, all in good fun. Shepard laughs “I was impressed with the number of pillows they shoved onto a single bed. I found three more this morning. Must be a game they play; how many they can fit into a single room?”

The three conversed for several minutes about their rooms, Ashely finishing her coffee and looking for a place to discard her mug, settling on a random countertop nearby. It was then that it had occurred to Shepard that they were currently the three lone humans standing in this lobby. A rainbow of orbs was passing glances their way, figures stopping to acquire a proper look. Noticing that she was no longer paying attention, Kaidan and Ashley also look around. 

An alien at the front desk, a salarian, Shepard believed, gave them the foulest of expressions. Hate transparently displayed. While there were humans on the Citadel, they were in short supply, mostly higher officials, not armed soldiers. 

Did they frighten those here? Shepard could understand why three well-armed humans would warrant caution. She did not pick up fear, though. She saw suspense. They were waiting for an excuse to accuse, mock, and project fear onto them.

Kaidan and Ashley caught onto what was happening as well. Their backs turning toward one another and closing in for defense. Not that she wanted to fend off citizens. Knocking out a wave of locals would not look good for their first official day on the Citadel.

  
  


As Shepard glances towards the exit for a quick escape, a familiar turian approaches the tall glass doors. As they slide open, Garrus takes notice of her, too. His eyes flickering over the lobby, slowing his stride. He picks up on the tension quickly. In a few paces, he stands at attention in front of the three. Shepard has to admit, she feels thankful to be acquainted with this particular alien, especially after their drink. 

“Good morning, Garrus Vakarian,” She smiles. He, in return, nods politely. “Good morning to you, Commander. To you as well, Lieutenant Alenko. Chief Williams.” Both Kaidan and Ashley stiffen and give their independent, forced, greetings. Ash, settling on a curt nod and tightening of her lips, while Kaidan handles himself with the utmost professionalism.

“As you know, we will be heading straight to the Tayseri Ward. Our guest has most likely already arrived at the Presidium and we will be meeting them there, along with their bodyguard.” Garrus turns and motions for them to follow, not wanting to give important details in the company of spying eyes and ears. They make their way out through the exit, lined shoulder to shoulder as they walk. Garrus to Shepard’s right with Kaidan on her left and Ashley to his respectively. 

As the four struts to the location of their designated transportation, crowds rush out of the way, a couple even dramatically jumping back. Shepard almost wants to stop and apologize, for whatever reason, inconvenience maybe, but instead a hand clasps her upper arm and firmly tugs her into another direction. She glances down at her arm, then up at the turian who has released his grip.

“You are gonna have to get used to disgruntled citizens. You aren't exactly popular thanks to media coverage of your species.” Garrus hums, not missing a beat with her annoyance at his action.

“Well,” Shepard blows a stray strand of hair away from her nose and sighs. “I can’t blame them for that.” They share a quick exchange as she continues, “Perhaps, now they can make those assumptions for themselves.”

“Perhaps…”

They make their way to what looks to be a private garage, the building closing them off from the public once they step inside. Its architecture reminding her of a lot of Earth’s own. Floors stacked high, and with a winding path that allows cars to drive up and down. She supposed that the concept of vehicle storage was relatively the same. 

Arriving at a platform, level two, they stop. Garrus points to the ground, “Transportation will always be available for you at this garage, so notify the front desk and a car will be ready immediately. At least, that’s what I was told.” He shrugs at that last part.

“Then why walk?” Ashley leans forward and looks past the row towards Garrus. His brow plates rising in surprise that she even spoke to him. “Well, it is certainly a hell of a less hassle traveling through a reserved parking tunnel than getting into a car on a public street.” Shepard and Kaidan both let out air through their noses in an attempt to hold painful laughter at bay, the intensity of Ashely’s glare was just _too_ good.

“Yeah, well, what if I want to-” Ashley doesn’t finish, a dark azure colored ride pulling up and each door lifting at once. Garrus, not acknowledging Ashley’s attempted retort, walks to the other side of the car and climbs in. Kaidan, sporting a shy smile, steps to the vehicle's door and motions for Shepard to take her seat. Inside, there is a screen separating them from the driver, not giving Shepard an outline or any clue to how they look. The car itself, however, is quite nice. A simple and clean black interior, not too fancy but nothing cheap. Was a cheap cab too laid back? Everyone here is so weird about unnecessary bullshit.

“Ash, you coming?” Kaidan waves his hand at her, waiting so he can board last. How sweet.

Knowing she wasn’t getting the “ _who has the bigger dick_ ” match she was hoping for, Ashley rolls her eyes. “Yeah, Yeah, I’m coming.” The last two take their seats, ready for departure. 

…

Tayseri Ward. Shepard had thought that the Presidium was modern, but this easily took first place in architecture. The moment they arrived on the ward, the car's human occupants gaped at the diamond white walls. Completely dazzled at every meticulously crafted column. This place appeared as something out of Greek literature depicting paradise. Shepard was sure that the ground itself was polished enough to eat on. Not that she would be testing that assumption, but still.

The people, nearly all asari, wore voguish garments. Each their own elegant style yet still strangely similar in fashion. This allowed Shepard to admire the complexity of their facial markings. Even though every asari are some variant of blue, their skin never matches with another. It made perfect sense that this was considered the most beautiful of the citadel races, not only from looks but by their other accomplishments too. Catching a glimpse at Kaidan and Ashley's expressions, she can see they are just as starstruck. 

“You've been here before?” Shepard asks, her question aimed at Garrus. He shifts on his seat and leans against the door, taking in the sights she is so eagerly drinking in. “Yes, not often. I mostly work within the boundaries of the Presidium. Though, I can point out a few good bars nearby.” He frowns at not being able to find a proper position, settling on leaning forward so that his elbows rest on his knees. Thank goodness for the legroom.

“I- wow… I cannot believe you have seen this place and don’t want to stay forever.” A light gasp escaped her lips as they passed the most ornate fountain possibly ever crafted. An asari, though different looking than any Shepard has seen, with palms extended out in divine grace. Water pooling from her fingertips and eyes glowing soft white.

“Reminds me of a statue of Mary.” Ashley had to lean across Kaidan, even her feeling the strong spirituality of the woman in stone. Kaidan, who was in a daze from the picture in front of him, flickered his gaze elsewhere. “Beautiful…”

“The Museum of Galactic History, huh? I hope everyone remembered to bring their brochures.” Ashley cracked as the vehicle slowed, nearing the target building. Its design, much like everything else, was pristine. Columns lining the front in a familiar layout. Think Roman temples, but cleaner. Their driver did a roundabout the lot, entering past two black gate doors, and parked the car in a marked off location. 

Garrus, no surprise, was the first to exit. This time, he stood at the car door and held out a hand for Shepard. The gesture caught her pleasantly off guard. Had their talk from last night had that big of an effect on him? Not caring what spawned the action, she gladly lays her hand in his and allows herself to be helped out. Still in the car, Ashley and Kaidan look on in disbelief. Had they missed something?

“So Ash?” Kaidan swivels his head so his nose is inches from hers, a smug grin on his lips. “You gonna open the door for me? All gentlemanly?”

“Piss off.”

Everyone accounted for, a familiar figure is waiting at the steps. Udina’s secretary. Her outfit is crisp, vanilla, and dark blue. Hair is freshly done and makeup flawless. Immediately, Shepard searches her face. Pure confidence. It only took her to escape that creep to brighten up. _Figures_ . “Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams, Garrus Vakarian-” Role call. Also, her grin is off-putting. She is creepy enough on her own it seems, “- Welcome. Lady Moninala will be available momentarily. From here, you will direct your full attention to her. Her bodyguard, Nirdak Vok, will accompany you with every public setting Lady Moninala is present. However, do try to remember that while her image is of utmost importance, so is yours. You are here to show that, yes, humanity is a friend to the council species! That we must work towards building a better future!” _Oh no, please not another record player._ The secretary wiped a fictional tear from her cheek, finishing her stirring speech.

“This way!”

They ascend the stairs leading to the rear entrance, cautiously looking for hidden paparazzi. Yesterday's clusterfuck was bound to happen again, and the fact that it was relatively calm now made them increasingly anxious. They pop out when you least expect it. Closing in, Shepard leaned to Garrus and whispered “Nirdak Vok?”

In return, she received a visible cringe. 

Great start.

Entering, there is more beauty to the inside than Shepard thought possible. Floors of carved marble-esque stone and walls crafted with silhouettes of various asari women. Their bodies flowing in the form of battle and dance, drawing her attention with intricate movement. The art on display was no small feat either. No, every single piece was… Otherworldly.

Inside was crowded compared to the parking lot. This crowd did not seem to be as bothered by their presence, only stepping out of the way calmly. There is still tension in the air, caution was worn openly and she knew they were waiting patiently to pass judgment.

Secretary, Shepard has decided to call her, slowed her speed to be in the hearing range of the party. “Do not forget to smile.” The tone is cold as ice. Kaidan swallows hard and attempts a million-dollar twinkle while Ash barely lifts the corners of her lips in discomfort. Shepard tries, but her mouth is dry and the cracks on her lips tug when she attempts. When had she become so nervous? This was loads better than yesterday and being on live news. 

They set foot in a room with glass flooring, underneath, hieroglyphs featuring the same woman as the statue they viewed earlier. However, this portrayal has her depicted as fierce and battle-ready. Secretary clasps her hands together, startling them, and going on about this room and how this is where the speech will happen. Lady Moninala would be introducing herself privately to them any minute then continue to this very spot. Once finished explaining, Shepard’s attention returns to the glass floor. Kaidan keeps a death grip on Ashley who is a bit too interested in testing the durability of a lovely balancing piece. 

“Athame, she is an asari Goddess. _The_ asari Goddess, if you want to be specific.” Garrus closes in behind her, peering over her shoulder to inspect the image himself. She becoming increasingly aware of just how tall turians tower above most of the species she had encountered. “Good to know. You said you have watched Lady Moninala’s speeches, does her crowd typically remain… calm?” 

“You mean do they get violent?”

“Yes.” She nods. 

He reaches up and scratches the hide under his chin, “There has been the occasional obnoxious protester. Never anything radical. Not to say that will stay that way. With you here, who knows.”

Garrus can’t see her face, but he does notice the exposed flesh of her neck erupts in goosebumps. His digits move to rub the line of his carapace, looking away. Had he abashed her yet again? He should call his sister later and ask if he was always this brash. 

_She’d say yes._ He sighed.

Circling the Commander to communicate with her better, Garrus grunts, now scratching at his carapace in self-comfort. “Commander, I didn’t mean to-”

“She is ready!” Secretary claps, leading to another jostle, signaling for their attention and shimmying them towards an oddly placed black door down the hall. Garrus forcibly being pushed ahead of everyone and ushered inside and away from Shepard. He is met with no plush waiting room, but a carapace far larger than his own. Two large inky pupils, thinning into slits, locking onto the turian. 

“What the hell?!” Ashley is the second to step in, immediately flushing her back against the wall in shock of the absolute mass that was blocking their way. 

Kaidan and Shepard wiggle past the roadblock but are ultimately forced away when Secretary storms past them, winding around the angry oversized frog and going right up to a professional appearing asari. The women enveloped in business within seconds.

“They said there’d be a turian. Didn’t believe it till I smelled you pull up. I say they’re born scrawnier every day.” The frog grunted. His voice is reminiscent of fireworks hitting gravel; loud and terrifying. He stretches away from them, shifting his lumbering weight. “The look on your faces is almost worth whatever shit you put me through today. Almost. What’s wrong, never seen krogan?”

Krogan. Ahhh. So **this** is a krogan. Shepard was thoroughly impressed. She knew of them by name and reputation alone. Their size, appearance, and attitude were a total surprise. 

“I am Commander Shepard. Can’t say I have ever met a krogan. Any description would lack in doing you justice.” He smiles wide at the flattery, giving a heavy chortle.

“Then lucky you to witness such a fine specimen. Tell me, do your friends speak, or do they just shake like bedwetters?”

She turns to view the entire party, Garrus included, looking deeply unnerved. Interesting. Had Garrus met this krogan already? If he did, he did not appear to want to spark up old memories. “Um,” She turns back around, “What was your name again?”

The krogan raises his arms to the ceiling, “I am Nirdak Vok! Bodyguard to Lady Moninala.”

“ _You_ are Lady Moninala’s bodyguard? What’s the point of wearing our armor and bringing weapons when she has a travel-sized tank?” Finally, Ashley pulls herself out of her spell. Her hip bumping harshly to the side and arms crossing. “Ash,” Kaidan hisses.

“You mean to tell me he can’t handle a crowd of, what, thirty?” Deadset on her assumption, she waits for an answer.

Nirdak, clearly amused, “Thirty? Please, don’t insult me. I could leave this room and massacre half this ward before CSEC acquired the gunpower to put me down. But you see, little nat, you aren’t just for protection. Are you?” He leans in, Ashley winces. “No, but you being here definitely makes my job easier. Don’t think I don’t take it seriously, though. Any of you insult or cross Lady Moninala and I will have you spinning on your heels so fast, you won’t even notice your spine is missing.”

“We would never do such a thing,” Kaidan glares, not happy to be threatened so fresh into their relationship. 

“Whatever, just do your job, and I’ll do mine.” Nirdak huffs and begins to walk away, the group is not sure what to do, and proceed to follow close behind. Garrus remained a healthy distance behind, not that Shepard hadn’t noticed. “What’s up with you?” She murmurs, not wanting the others to hear. “Krogan and turians don’t exactly…” he coughs, “Get along.” How specific, but her interest peeks. Bumping into something hard, Nirdak has stopped and is keeping her from going further. She’ll have to inquire about the topic later.

“Lady Moninala is in talks, wait your turn.”

From where she stands, Shepard catches a glimpse of a woman. She knows it is Lady Moninala without having to be introduced, there is no mistaking. 

Her face is shielded by a thin veil connected to a sable hood that gracefully drapes over her head tendrils. A crown of dark jewels resting against her forehead. The hood blends into a fine dress of the same color, the fabric tighter on her arms, then flowing freely below her waistline and hiding her frame. If Shepard had to choose an image the outfit reminded her of, she’d have to go with a renaissance era nun. Though, on her, it looked way better. This made her wonder if the outfit was indeed religious or ceremonial in any way. 

She reminds her of the statues Shepard had seen today, fine and peculiar. Deeply saturated facial markings painted her lower lash line and bottom lip, giving the illusion of liner and complimenting her wildly pale blue eyes and darker blue skin. 

“She’s enchanting,” Kaidan whispers, Shepard nodding slowly. “Not what I expected.” What had she expected? A suit and tie? A ballgown? She wasn’t sure, but no matter what preconceived picture she had made up, this was far from it.

Lady Moninala, who was conversing with some young asari, caught sight of them. Her hand raised to halt the conversation and then gave a regal bow of her head. The other asari woman rushed off after the dismissal and, finally, Lady Moninala approached them. Nirdak stepped to the side, better to observe and not get in the way.

Before speaking, she bows, “Welcome. It is an honor to finally meet you all. I see you have already met Nirdak.”

The party lines up and gives a bow in respect. She raises her palm, “Please, there is no need. I trust that your time on the Citadel has been well?”

“Yes Ma’am,” Shepard straightens her posture. “Our experience has been… pleasant.” This felt so formal, her cheeks were hot. Was she blushing? It would be silly to reach up and feel if she was. 

“Wonderful. Now, would you tell me what you are called?” Lady Moninala smiles kindly.

Names. _Shit._ “Oh, sorry. I am Commander Shepard and this is-”

That hand shoots up again, shutting her up immediately. 

“I apologize, I should have specified further. I already know your titles, I would like to know what you prefer to go by, personally. You calling me _Lady_ is of no necessity either. I am Moninala.” Was she being serious? Nirdak gave them a smirk. She _was_ being serious. 

“I am Ashley Williams, call me Ashley or Ash.” Ashley steps forward and holds out a hand. Everyone stares at it, sweat beading down Shepard’s hairline. _Oh, my God._ Nirdak is staring the most intently. His teeth baring as if to say: please try something. Moninala does not appear bothered by the gesture, but instead takes the hand and shakes it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you, Ashley.” _Ohmygod._

They release their grasp and Ashley falls back in line, visibly confused but just going along with whatever. Kaidan, who feels too uncomfortable with shaking her hand, bows again, not quite over the royal aura she gives off. 

“Kaidan Alenko, Ma’am. It is an honor.” Even after giving them the okay on dismissing the formality, she accepts his introduction and chuckles, bowing to him. “May I call you Kaidan, Kaidan Alenko?” His ears grow red, “Yes Ma’am.”

Shepard guesses she's next, settling on a firm nod, “Shepard.”

“Shepard.” Moninala gives a knowing grin like she knows a secret that Shepard hadn’t even figured out yet. _What?_ With the humans out of the way, only one other remained. However, instead of waiting for the turian to make the first initiation, Moninala walks to the end of the line and pauses directly across from him. His stance is nothing but textbook officer etiquette, wrists crossed behind his back, and head held high. This threw Shepard off. It was only moments ago that he had appeared so casual. This was still just an assignment for him. It made her question how seriously she was taking everything.

“Garrus Vakarian. I sense that no matter what I call you, you will never give me a name of your choosing. May I call you Garrus?” Her words are soft, but Shepard knows Moninala is confident in her assumption. Garrus nods, similarly to Shepard, “Whatever you wish, Lady Moninala.” His answer makes her stomach sink, an uncomfortable realization coming to light. Moninala steps away, knowing she won’t receive interaction beyond what has already occurred. 

“Nirdak, I do believe it is time.” They allow for the two to move past them, towards the door they came in. “My new friends,” She speaks as she walks, “I thank you for your company today and will enjoy your presence as I share my message. Do not think I am not aware of the danger this union can bring, but the possibility of peace fills me with immeasurable hope. It is my deepest honor to share this with you.” 

Secretary is already at the door, handle in grip, waiting for the right moment. Each takes their places, Kaidan and Ashely on Moninala’s right, Garrus and Shepard on her left, Nirdak in front as a krogan shield. Their sidearms ready for use for a worst-case scenario. 

Shepard tries to think of something to say. Thank you, maybe, but nothing forms on her lips. There is nothing to say. This was a turning point, and everyone knew it. The mission has officially started. Reality setting in.

The door opens. Unlike the elevator incident, it is dead quiet. There are far more gathered than earlier, possibly a hundred, not counting those packed into the other rooms. They are watching in anticipation as the group takes their places on the glass floor. Nirdak now stands beside Shepard once the area is secured. Substantial trust is being placed in these people, it would only take a single person to reach out and grab her. There are no ropes, no boundaries, only an invisible line that no one dared cross. Moninala was a very respected woman. 

“ **_I stand before you, humbled at what lies beneath my feet. Humbled that you stand with me, eager to listen. Humbled that today, I am accompanied by four stalwart individuals, each who have sacrificed a great deal to be here. I do not see three humans and a turian, but four beings who know the importance of respect and love shared between one another. That there is more than skin and bone; than rivalry. May you glance upon their faces and see yourselves. See life and death. See pain and healing. See that we are not so different and that we, subjects of the Citadel, the universe, exist together. We are never alone, it is time we stop pretending to be._ **” 

The crowd unanimously calls out, rallying in agreement. Fists being lifted into the air and grasping at one another in support. Shepard listens in amazement, not expecting such a reaction. That their presence could amount to this. Maybe them being here _was_ a good thing. The swell of pride made her automatically smile, whipping her head to look toward Garrus and calculate his take on this.

Garrus is at attention, gaze serious and rapidly darting around to compromisable locations, concerned with a possible attack. After a few seconds and sensing Shepards eyes on him, he returns her gaze. A camera flashing over the two of them. Her smile falls and she continues to look frontwards. Swallowing thickly and clenching her teeth. She tries not to take it personally, what she saw in his eyes, but the feeling in her stomach won’t leave. Instead, she tried to focus on the rest of the speech while simultaneously scoping her surroundings. 

This was his job. Nothing more. He did not care whether or not they achieved some form of peace among themselves, only to do his duty. That was abundantly clear.

Their drink had meant _nothing._


	6. The Five Stages of Recovery: Being a Perpetual Jackass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, if I disappear, assume it is because I redid a chapter forty times and hated it.

Garrus was sure that the picture would make tomorrow's news. The Commander and himself forever captured at that moment; spreading with a headline using words such as _unity_ and _peace._ And, while that was the ultimate goal here, Garrus did not see either of those things looking at Shepard. Her smile had vanished with the flash, lips tightening inwards as if to stop herself from showing what was not meant for the camera. 

Redirecting his attention back to the crowd, Garrus made every effort to focus on surveying the building, every effort to ignore the increasingly large pit in his chest. A new distressing feeling picking through his body from the inside. 

Her excitement had changed so fast, replaced by something so defeated. He speculated what exactly she had seen in him to elicit such a reaction. 

_That beam above would make a perfect perch for a sniper._ He notes, distracting himself for only a moment before Shepard’s face flashed through his head, startling him greatly in not understanding why this was affecting him at all.

Taking a few deep long breaths, Garrus holds his frame a little straighter. Convincing himself that he does not care and should not read into an associate’s emotional projections.

It is only when he internally says this to himself, does he realize how ridiculous he sounds.

-

A week had passed since the first speech of Lady Moninala, and two more had occurred since. Both relatively quiet and unbothered, aside from one horribly prejudiced news story. A popular journalist went as far as cursing Moninala for siding with “animals” and throwing an array of insults towards the human population. Mostly towards the Commander. It was their complete and total right to say those things, not that it didn’t hurt any less. 

They were lucky that this was all they had experienced. Garrus pointed out that it could be so much worse, always prepared with his rifle in reaching distance during each event. 

Shepard had been avoiding him, much to Garrus’s confusing frustration. Not while on the job, that was impossible. She no longer went out of the way to strike up a conversation, their exchanges never lasting longer than needed. The change was eating Garrus alive and he had no understanding as to why this bothered him this much.

The other day, there was a species she had never seen before floating along the trails of the presidium outside her apartment. A hanar. Shepard, visibly curious upon seeing them, stopped in her tracks and opened her mouth to ask a question. Garrus stopped with her. She glanced up at him, then abruptly shook her head and continued walking.

At first, he assumed this tied to his comment at the museum. He hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable, the comment just slipped. He wasn’t even sure how to apologize for something that occurred a week ago, or how to bring it up. Which would be especially awkward if the comment had nothing to do with anything. Why was he even considering an apology? If anything, he should move on and stop concerning himself with it.

He couldn’t. 

They hadn’t had any time together since their drink, at least not alone. He considered inviting her over again. If that was the case, he would need a headstart on drinking before she arrived. Not because he needed to be hammered in her presence, but to ditch his pride.

Then again, having her come to _his_ room just so _he_ could apologize was insensitive. Palaven, his sister would slap him for even considering such a stupid idea. 

His sister. Garrus had meant to call her soon, having not checked in in some time. He contemplated what sort of advice she would give for his current predicament. Solana would probably call him a moron for twenty minutes and preach how “it is so obvious”. Even her tone in his imagination was condescending. 

No, absolutely not. Out of the question. This was not a subject she should be involved in and, spirits, he did not want to be interrogated on the matter. Which he would be.

He did need to make that call though. With a drink already prepared and in hand, Garrus grunts as he sits back on the couch in his room. His body sinking into the cushions while he takes a long sip. Being mid-afternoon, the artificial day-night lighting system was still relatively bright outside his window. There were no speeches, no obligatory meetups, no debriefs with Ambassador Oriana to update her on the situation. Moninala and Nirdak Vok had their own separate, secure, location, so the group’s presence would just be a giveaway. However, the asari did have them on speed dial.

Today, it was only Garrus and himself. Making himself meals and filling out paperwork to pass the time. As well as working on his rifle. Twice. 

Work had always enveloped his schedule. Not because he was assigned too much, but because he chose to do more. He liked excelling, being the best in his field. His Spectre candidacy had been rightfully earned and it was all he had ever wanted. Since then, Garrus doubled his efforts. Busting his ass in every department. Including increasing the intensity of his workout routine and improving combat skills from “satisfactory” to “exemplary”.

He raises his glass for another drink, only to find that it is empty. In disbelief, he looks around and into the glass, holding it close to his face for better inspection. “Alright, pretty soon and I’m gonna have a problem,” He mutters, placing the glass onto the table. 

Slowly, Garrus sits back and looks towards the window. His eyes roaming over Shepard’s building and stopping on the balcony of her room. What was she doing? Was she using her day more productively than him, or was she also taking it slow? Was she with her companions?

He wondered if they spoke about him. How much of an arrogant dick he was and that turians are the douchebags of the galaxy.

_This is getting ridiculous._ He sighs.

“Call Solana.” 

“Calling: Solana.” The automated voice immediately dials and Garrus crosses his arms, eyes still facing the window. 

A holo appears. Solana is a bit too close to the camera and sporting the worst smug grin. Behind her, he can see that she is in her apartment back on Palaven. “Hello, Gar Gar!”

He moans in annoyance, covering his face with his hands, “Enough with that name. You aren’t a child anymore. What if I was at work and someone heard you call me that?”

“You? Please.” She laughs and walks away from the camera, walking out of view before returning, then pulling up a chair. “You’d never call me with company over. So, what can I do for you, Gar Gar? Or, are you just calling to see what I’m up to? If that’s the case, I am doing fantastic! Finally got that spot on my foot checked out, turned out to be nothing. Guess that means I owe you twenty credits.” Her face briefly goes deadpan with vexation. “There’s this new theatre they opened near mom and dad’s place. I haven’t convinced dad to come with me, but mom is tryna push him to go.” She bounces in her seat as she talks, happy to share every detail.

“They should remove your foot anyway, better safe than sorry. Could have fixed your face too,” he jests, but the mention of his parents makes him frown. “Are they doing good?”

“Mom and dad? They are good as they can be, Garrus. I mean…” She rubs her hand on her thigh, “Mom is taking it day by day. She doesn’t leave the house anymore, not after what happened at the store.”

Garrus tenses, “What do you mean _at the store_? Is she okay, what happened?”

Solana waves for him to calm down, shaking her head, “She had an episode while shopping. Dad and I were with her, she just wanted to get out for a change.” She’s visibly saddened by reliving the incident. “Her hand caught on a shelf while trying to regain her balance and it spilled to the floor. When others came to help, she had trouble speaking. She was more embarrassed than anything and doesn’t wanna leave the house anymore.”

Hearing his mother’s incident is painful. He wants nothing more than to visit and take care of her, himself. But he knows she’d be devastated if he sacrificed his career for her sake. He knows this because she tells him every chance how proud she is of him and he is needed on the Citadel, not on Palaven. 

“Dad taking it well?”

“It bothers him.” _Good_. “Garrus, you are going to get the same news for a while, it is gonna get worse. Let’s talk about something else, okay?” She is almost pleading to change the conversation. Not wanting to upset her further, he nods.

  
  


“So,” her cheery tone returns “How’s the assignment going? We’ve watched the news! I’ll admit, it’s kind of cool to see your brother as a celebrity, but seeing your giant fucking forehead every time you are on-screen brings me back to my senses.”

“It is normal size, damn-it!” 

_Palaven_ , what could he tell her without revealing too many details? More importantly, what could he tell her to avoid anything regarding himself? “It’s a learning experience.”

She stares at him. He stares back at her. “That’s it?” 

The disappointment she must feel.

“I am not asking the coordinates to each of your locations or command codes, Garrus. Oo, does Lady Moninala talk like that all the time? Do you still work under Orinia? Dad brought her up the other morning. Can you at least tell me what the humans you are working with are like?”

_Damn_. He takes a minute to organize his responses. “Yes, Lady Moninala always talks like that. I did hear her say damn once, that’s as crass as she gets.” Solana sniggers. “I still work with Orinia. Dad should call her, I’m sure she’d love that. Um, humans. Chief Williams is the most irritating, unorthodox soldier I have ever met in my life. Her determination would be impressive if it wasn’t paired with a complete lack of thinking. The lieutenant is a stiff, but more tolerable. Though, his attempts at humor fall flat. The Commander… she is… well-grounded.”

“Garrus.”

“Yes?”

“Are we just gonna gloss over your hesitation or should I ask to hear a few examples of the lieutenant’s jokes?” Solana is having none of it. Of course, they’d end up discussing this. Which was ultimately his fault. “Tell me about the Commander. She’s always popping up in vid’s, very popular. Is she bitchy?”

“No!” He hadn’t meant to shout, Spirits kill him now. “Shepard is… she…” Garrus is very pissed to be put on the spot like this, mandibles fluttering in agitation as he avoids eye contact with his sister. “I don’t know what she is. She doesn’t like me very much, that is clear.”

“Cause your turian?” The way he glances up, she reforms her question accordingly, “What did you do?”

Here we go. “I insulted her. I think. I possibly hinted that she’s a bullet magnet now, which she is, thanks to her little promotion.” Oh, that sounded bad. “Wait, no. I mean... Well you see, we had a drink the first night we met. She just showed up and wanted to introduce herself. Wasn’t horrible or anything. It was fairly pleasant, or maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know-”

“Garrus!” This had to be the first bit of juicy drama she had heard in months and Solana is eating this up. “Have you apologized? Or even asked her why she might be pissed?”

“What other reason is there? That’s all I can think of.”

“Exactly. Garrus, you aren't going to get anywhere if you never ask. She may not even be angry. You have a way of pushing people away without realizing it. It’s possible she picked up on that.” 

With sisterly wisdom bestowed, Garrus blinks and absorbs this new information. 

“Am I that big of a brash asshole?”

“Yes, yes you are.”

“Huh…”

“Alright, I can see that my amazing deducing skills have given you a lot to think over. I’ll let you go, but keep me updated on this whole Shepard situation!” She stands and reaches out to the camera, leaning in and giving a wink.

Garrus yawns, “Yeah… Thanks. Tell mom and dad I said hi. I’ll try to call them when it isn’t as late. And for the love of Palaven, clean your place.” 

“I’ll relay the message. And don’t tell me what to do! Love you Gar Gar!”

“Love you too.”

The holo closes. An hour has passed, the room darker as it nears evening. Garrus doesn’t move from his spot, their conversation on replay in his head. Solana was smarter than he gave credit for. Always the people person, making friends and being liked by generally everybody came much easier for her. She got that from mom. 

After reflection, one thing was certain.

He needed to speak with Shepard.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, I love hearing from you all and continuously improving. <3


End file.
